Be the gift you'd love to be given. I have this saying I use often "I give me what I want because I love her". "Her" is me. If asked to name all of the people you love in your life, how long would it take to say your own name?  I say mine daily in meditation if only in my mind.

I forget how wonderful I am until someone sees me and speaks in how interesting they find me. Total, sincere shock every single time. I think I'm boring. Have you met the you that you present to others. Do you like you? Do you love you? Would you want to receive you as a gift?

Maybe because I've gotten used to the ebb & flow of my life. Maybe because the mundane has become my normal. But maybe because I don't always fully see then acknowledge the robust, fullness of my being expressed aloud. 

When I leave my house I typically choose the level of want to do it. Am I going out as a flicker, a flame or a supernova? It will always be some semblance of light though. Some days, even in by boringness, my quiet light is too loud and bright for the world around me. I asked my friend what is less light, less fire than a flicker and he said that I smolder. Smolder! On the ready to burst into a full flame of light at any moment! So now when go into the world wanting to move through a bit softer, quieter and still fully myself, a gift, wrapped gently for others to embrace.... I smolder. 
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​#Kottaveiinflux #KottaveInResidence #CreativePeace #BlackWomen #SacredSpace #Dreams #IncubateGrowEvolve #HaveYouMetYOU

For the last 12 years, green has been my favorite color. I was a seed being planted, then incubating until my time had past. I was watered and sun called out to me in it's warmth. I stretched and leaned closer to what felt like tenderness. I took my time...becoming who I was going towards being and simultaneously shedding the skin of who I was.

Then without warning or expectation, in that time I began to bloom!

I was drawn to the blue of the sky and the quiet, clear whisper of the wind and then finally YELLOW! Warm yellow calling me out fully from my comfort zone. Teasing the seedling of who I was daring to be. A creative bloom, on a thriving vine, meant to transform into a perennial flower of curiosity.

When I see warm yellow now, I lean in and bask in the glow acknowledging it as same feeling the sun gave when I was trying to break through the soil. 

#Kottaveiinflux #KottaveInResidence #CreativePeace #BlackWomen #SacredSpace #Dreams #IncubateGrowEvolve #ColorOfMe #GreenAndYellow

 #I've traveled to many places throughout the world and even so my favorite place to come home to is my own heart.
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It goes everywhere I go.
When I am lost, so is my heart.
When I am joyous, so is my heart.
When desire for living burns beyond the threshold of fullness, my heart burns with me.

The shortest and longest journey will always be back to myself... particularly when the mundane daily living has taken over. I've lost my way so many times the road back to me is paved with failures and permanent scars. I now see them as pebbles I stumble over, speed bumps I slow down to cross and wild animals that dart in front of my path bringing my being to a screeching halt!

None of that is of any consequence because I will forever see my own heart as the place I yearn for most. It's where my ache for self happily lives. My heart is my home.

#Kottaveiinflux #KottaveInResidence #CreativePeace #BlackWomen #SacredSpace #Dreams #IncubateGrowEvolve #ComeHomeToYouOwnHeart

I'm always afraid. It's the thing you're not supposed to say!

​The difference is that I don't let fear scare me out of doing things I want to. After a nice cry, I typically smooch fear on the nose and keep going. When I think of all the adventures I would have missed by letting fear lead me...
"I have sky dived, hiked up a glacier and raised 5 sons to manhood all with fear standing watch over my shoulders" 

Most of the time I am free falling much like Icarus flying to close to the sun but what is the alternative? Not live a robust life? I'm not willing to just survive through this. I've had those seasons but it cannot be the majority as I move through this full of breath, vigor and belief in the possibilities.

Respectfully life should be lived as if it's the last one you'll have. It might be!
Every piece of your life wants it's due. Wake up in gratitude then flow along the waves of it throughout the day. I have bad days. Sometimes REALLY bad BUT I push through. When giving birth, mothers reach a threshold called "the ring of fire". It's the moment juuuussst before the baby emerges. It's painful. It burns. It's also the last moment that baby has in the comfort and safety of your womb before it emerges into the world. The baby has to come through. 

This is living life! There are painful moments and decisions juuuussst before you fully emerge yourself. I'm there right now. On the verge. On the precipice. Pushing through as I emerge leaving the safety of where I've been. Me and Icarus have a deep connection. I am willing to fly as close to the sun as possible to live fully!

#Kottaveiinflux #KottaveInResidence #CreativePeace #BlackWomen #SacredSpace #Dreams #IncubateGrowEvolve #flight #Icarus #Phoenix #fuckfear
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Artists Are Sacred Space & So Is Their Creativity
A few years ago, I was toiling along as a single Black mother of five young Black boys. I thought to myself "What would I want right now if I could have it?". I had my aha moment in that moment. I wanted a block of time, in a peaceful space to create artwork that would be meaningful for me while producing some new children. Art children! Oh! And I wanted it in a different space. Away from my daily hustle. 
“I created the sacred, creative support I would have wanted.” We as the keeper of time through creating, are sacred and so is our creative practice. It should be honored.

My first love was my art...and I nurtured it. 
I am not more special than any other creative with an urge to make from the spirit. I AM a fighter determined to have my first love outside of my Dad and that love is artmaking. Activating the energy that speaks to my spirit whether it be painting, writing, cooking, baking, dancing (and if only I could sing!). Not everyone has the bandwidth to do the research and fill out the application...but I do! 

With all the challenges life offers, I have always refused to sacrifice the part of myself that needed to create. It may not have always shown up as a painting or quilt or traditional medium, but I've learned to express through my cooking, writing or experimenting with adding my creativity to everyday mundane activities. I determined that the innate ability to use my creativity as a vehicle for expression was my birthright. I was... AM worthy of the time and space needed to allow my creative self to shine through. Let me help you get there as well! Artist services - KOTTAVEI

#Kottaveiinflux #KottaveiInResidence #ArtmakingPractice #creativity #Woman #IncubateGrowEvolve #ArtistServices

Be an entrepreneur they said! It'll be fun they said!

​I've heard more than a few people say "work for yourself so you don't have to answer to anyone else!" The truth is when you are an entrepreneur you don't have one boss. You have MANY!" Every client. Every order. Every business encounter demands your time and you must answer the call to be effective.
"The amount of work involved to get a business going is beyond any 9 to 5" 

​Maybe it's easier to just to choose someone's 9 to 5 but truthfully, I'm not built like that. I want to create a better space & world for my creativity to grow up in. My inner girl deserves THE absolute BEST! This requires me to leap over obstacles others would have tripped over!

All the things entrepreneurs may not tell you...
You will lose sleep.
It may take a minute to profit.
Your vision was not a conference call.
You friends & family may not be your biggest supporters.
It may be lonely.
You may have to amend the original direction often.
Some days you'll be the only one who believes in you.
Your kids don't care your need to work. Neither does your grocery shopping, home maintenance, laundry nor bill paying.
Every piece of your life wants it's due.

And these are just a FEW things! So why do it at all? Why not take an easier road? For me as a Black Woman moving through the world, I still believe that there is the potential to make this world better beyond myself. The world does not end nor begin with me, however, while I'm still in it, I'm going to LIVE!

#Kottaveiinflux #KottaveInResidence #CreativePeace #BlackWomen #SacredSpace #Dreams #IncubateGrowEvolve #flight #Icarus #Phoenix

Artists Have Temperamental Inner Children

​She always wants to play...she is me.
I understand clearly the frustration of a toddler as they fling themselves onto the floor crying and rolling around with frustration. I've been there MOST days.
Wanting to be free to create but tethered to the responsibility that often time comes when being an adult. I still have not found a balanced work/ life harmony or place to reconciled the fact that this may be my ongoing struggle.

​But I look forward to the "letting go" very soon. I liken my life to baking a cake. You must measure accurately. You must have the right ingredients...but we all know the best cakes have a sprinkle of something extra that can't be named. The cakes are LOVED into existence! 
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I don't normally negotiate with toddlers as they can be unwavering terrorists when trying to get their needs met. My inner child refuses to negotiate with me either and gets her way many times.

I have missed and been awaken from a sound sleep at an ungodly hour, typically the hour of the creatives, to paint or quilt or sketch or simply document an artistic moment to come. I've been likened to a bird seemingly flitting from place to place but trust that it's all purposeful flitting and flying. I ALWAYS want to make my art or write...but sometimes I have to rock the inner toddler to a level of comfort so we can play another day.

#Kottaveiinflux #KottaveiInResidence #ArtmakingPractice #BlackWomen #BlackWoman #IncubateGrowEvolve #WhyIWillAlwaysChooseToPlay

Well for one, I'm Black AND a women!

I ALWAYS want to see me in the artwork I make! And if I don't see me, I want to see my melanated sisters... if the artwork requires a slash of blue on a yellow background, I can tell you which Black Woman inspired the abstraction.

“Black Women in my opinion are the archetype for every other woman.”I'm not debating this or asking that you agree. It is just what I believe when looking at what manifests at the hands of a Black Woman.
Take up space unapologetically
My master's studies in art education centered around how Black women are portrayed in art and how they see themselves or not. Young Black women have often given up on the idea of embracing their creativity because the imagery portrayed of Black women is negative or simply nonexistent. There IS room for us to take up space visually loud expressing what is most important to us. It is important that we show what we want to see.
#Kottaveiinflux #KottaveInResidence #CreativePeace #BlackWomen #SacredSpace #IncubateGrowEvolve

No one talks about this vortex!

Some days I get swallowed just like Jonah in the belly of the whale and all I can do is sit there waiting for that feeling of lostness to subside. How did I get here? WHERE did my time go? "Why is my 24 hours less than everyone else's?"

That's when I acknowledge that I DON'T slow down...Once I go to my 9-5, parent my children, complete household chores to keep the house standing and the occasional emergency my day has ceased being my own.

“If you are a Black Woman who is anything like me, you can't think about being free to do artmaking unless the whole world around you is settled first.” How did I get this way? Why do I feel as if I need permission from life's chaos around me to go get making?

We learn from watching...
I remember the Black Women around me keeping impeccable homes, making homemade meals and cheering on the family around them. I've felt at times that is was my tradition to be in continuum of that even though the world has changed drastically. I have neglected my artistic self sometimes trying to still be Keisha homemaker. My freedom of time came the day I decided to leave the dishes in the sink, the clothes unfolded. take a creative mental health day, dream, daydream, sketch, write, paint & give that time to my creativity instead of my responsibility. I saw that the world will still be there when I returned to it so I happily fell into the vortex releasing any ideal of what I SHOULD be doing or how and gave myself over to a personal clock that gives me ample space to make art.
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#Kottaveiinflux #KottaveiInResidence #ArtmakingPractice #BlackWomen #BlackWoman #IncubateGrowEvolve #TimeIsAnIllusion

Shake Your Moneymaker for Audre Lorde

For me that means shake my creativity up until it overflows! That IS my moneymaker. My ability to think beyond what I see. Then there is the flip side of that creative coin...It always amuses me when I tell someone my prices and they start to negotiate. The price I gave was not a suggestion! Either you can afford me or you can't. Who goes into a major store and negotiates for a better price? You pay the price and keep it moving. So why are artists & creatives expected to accept willingly less than what they feel their value is worth?
"So why do individuals think they can pay me less than what I request AND be ok with it?"I am valuable and so are my creations...


Only I can determine my value. Audre Lorde said so: "If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive" and TRUST me when I say I define and redefine as I see fit. That includes me asking for payment to match my expression.
I have taken time, money to grow my gifts. I have made sacrifices and concessions to stand in my talents. I have stretched my physical and mental capacity to put my creativity out in the world in a powerful way. I will not yield to anyone seeing me as less.


#Kottaveiinflux #KottaveInResidence #CreativePeace #BlackWomen #SacredSpace #Dreams #IncubateGrowEvolve #MoneyMatters #AudreLorde